My Greatest #SOULSHIFT
When I think about the time in my life where I truly connected to the divine truth within me and made a huge change in my life, I think back to when I was 21 years old.
I had been dating a boy at college for about a year which had been in a very destructive relationship. Fueled by overwhelming passion, fluctuating between extreme highs and disastrous lows. It was frantic and wild and messy and amazing but mostly it was destroying and devastating us both. We were like users, addicted to one another in a catastrophic codependency that led to the ultimate comedown when we hit rock bottom, defeated, and finally broke up.
I was broken; spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.
Crying myself to sleep one night, after seeing a Facebook post of him out partying with another blonde, my Mum came into the childhood bedroom I had returned home to. Instead of comforting me, with a tight British ‘chin-up’ and stiff upper lip she scolded me,
“What on earth are you doing? Crying like this over a total loser?
I lost both of my parents at the same age as you are now.”
Catching the lump in my throat, hearing that sentence, out loud, halted the next batch of tears from being released. My mother had rarely spoken about losing her parents. I let her continue.
“Both my parents had died by the the time I turned twenty one. I had graduated Uni only to find I had no where to go to. I’d lost my family home. And did I cry about it the way that you are now? No, I had to get out and get on, and find something to do with my life.”
I wiped all the traces of tears off my face. She went on,
“You’ve never had any real tragedies in your life, you’ve had everything easy, which you should feel incredibly fortunate for. You’ve had a good life, you have both parents who love you, a loving family and a lovely family home. You’ve never had to deal with any real pain and here you are, in this state, crying over a loser. Who you are so much better without.”
She left my room, and I didn’t cry one single tear for P after that.
The next day I got up, put on my make up, went to my corporate, event co-ordinating, day job and whilst I sat at my grey office desk, I reflected long and hard about who I really was. What I really wanted in life and what I really wanted to do with my life. I knew that P, this dismal desk and my childhood single bed were not my destiny. I had to make a change.
When I started thinking about what I really loved, and what brought me happiness, my thoughts always came back to singing. I had loved being part of school musicals, concerts, auditioning for parts and taking lessons after school. I sang for hours in my bedroom when my sisters yelled at me to shut-up and was always running through the house with a melody in my head. Singing was my therapy, my sanity and my way to express my soul!!
I raced home that night, put on my favorite CD and started SINGING.
As soon as I’d connected to that real place inside of me, amazing things started to shift and opportunities presented themselves to me; a local theatre production was auditioning for a musical and I was handed the flier. The following week I tried out for one of the roles and on getting the part I threw myself whole-heartedly into all the rehearsals, fittings, performances and cast get-togethers.
Over the weeks I was gradually returning to the ‘real me’ and starting to feel alive again.
The next opportunity I received was a month off work to travel. It was at this point, lying awake in bed one night, where I heard little voice in my head, my heart, or now I think of it, my soul was speaking to me and I just felt like I had to go to America!
Somewhere deep inside me was saying that I was supposed to move there, and it felt so right in every part of my body.
I decided to use the month off to explore the East Coast, I traveled from Montreal to Miami on the look-out for where I was supposed to live. And although no where really struck me, I returned home full of life, action, adventure, happiness and joy! I had had a wonderful trip!
Soon after returning home, I stumbled upon a website for a music school out in Los Angeles. Whilst this was on the other side of the country from all the cities that I had visited, there was a butterfly sensation in my stomach and I just knew that was where I was supposed to go. I could use my savings to attend the school, and just like that I booked my one-way plane ticket to Hollywood… aka, Collywood!
Ten years later, after many amazing memories, singing gigs, tours, mini-soulshifts and life lessons that have taken me down many paths, I am still living in LA. Happily married to my Swedish, songwriter husband, managing an emerging artist in the music industry, making guided music meditations, alongside many other creative projects, and singing on a daily basis to my beautiful baby who is due any day now.
Had I not had gone through the break-up, received a sharp awakening from my mother, and connected to what I loved- singing, I would never have had the life-changing #soulshift that brought me out to Los Angeles. I’m a strong believer that we grow the most through the hardest times and that going through them can bring us out to the best phases in life if we remain connected to our #soulcalling.